Foolish Freshman

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Think back to freshman year of high school. For me, that was four years ago, but it feels like a lifetime ago. I was a foolish freshman hoping to have my first kiss, go to a real party, find love, and figure out who I am. Social media depicted high school that way and I believed that to be true.

Four years later I wouldn’t change a thing. I know now every failure I had  helped me learn something. However, it pains me to see the vicious cycle of high school mistakes being repeated over and over again.

They teach us not to drink and do drugs. I was never taught how to be confident in myself. I was never told you don’t need a guy or anyone but yourself to find happiness. How can I be taught not to do bad things when the reason why most people go down that path is because of not being right with one’s self?

Then I start to wonder, can you really be taught that? Or is it something everyone must learn on their own? I don’t have the answer.

 

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Alone doesn’t always mean sad

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There is a big misconception that people who live by themselves, have a table for one, and aren’t in a relationship want to change all of those things. These stereotypes occur because typically people who are happy are the exact opposite. They have a family and are in a healthy commitment with someone.

When going out with friends, there is the unwritten atmosphere of being amicable. That can change almost everything about a person if they put on a mask for the world. Peer pressure lives within our brains.

However, living life on your own can be very peaceful. It can teach you to be content with one’s self and all of the decisions made throughout life. Being alone shows how strong you can be; it also shows you how weak you can be. There is always something new to learn about yourself. Alone can mean true peace from this crazy world.

 

Watermelons were meant for school

Of course the last week of high school, the senior class is going to have some fun. My senior class was around 170 students all yearning to get out of the small suburban area. Everyone knew each other’s business; therefore, there was no such thing as a secret. However, this secret was kept.

With such a small school, one senior decided to make a groupme message with the entire class of 2017. This quickly turned into a roast session throughout the last week of high school. Everyone wanted to say things to each other they have been saving up. Luckily a few leaders rallied the troops to pull off a prank on the school that still makes me laugh.

Many ideas were thrown out, but the one that stuck out the most was bringing in watermelons and strategically placing them around the school. No one found out about the fruit until the day of. I walked into school and went straight to the bathroom to find  the first surprise in the sink. I knew this day was going to be one to remember.

Throughout the rest of the day, watermelons were hidden in teacher’s classrooms, restrooms, placed in lockers, and my personal favorite, rolled down the hallways in between classes. Some girl tried bowling with the watermelon in the midst of the busiest one. A teacher screamed at the top of their lungs at her, but had no effect.

The watermelons were everywhere. The teachers and staff confiscated all of the visible ones but some were hidden so well they might never find it. One teacher had the horrible job of reaching into a toilet to get the delightful fruit

Although that wasn’t official our senior prank, it was one that made the day more enjoyable. Some of the teachers ended up taking the watermelons home (not the toilet watermelons). The rest of them were saved for a senior picnic. How clever of them…

#seniors2k17

What makes you happy?

Disney world the happiest place on earth 

Everyone has a list of things that bring us happiness. For me, that is coffee, peanut butter, and the Harry Potter series. However, these materialistic items only last for so long. I’ll drink every last drop, scrape the jar with a spatula, and turn the final page. Then, I don’t know what to think.

Everyone has a list of things that make us mad. I’m sure the list could wrap around the Earth. Why spend time dwelling on the negative when the time could be used any other way.

The last list is the one that doesn’t include any physical items or anything that gives anger. It includes the things in life that give us happiness. It can be small things; It can be big things. This list is the one to ponder on.

The First Mistake

No, this is not the first mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve made trillions; this is the first of many in my senior year of high school.

Of course I was in the marching band because who doesn’t love being forced into an activity by your parents.

We had band camp August-September learning our positions and music to perform a halftime show. Of course I was focused on one thing the entire time. You can probably guess it too. The one thing every high school girl thinks about when they are bored… Guys…I had a friend who started talking to a guy.

No, this isn’t a story how I got with this guy. It’s a story how this guy made my life roll around in dog poop,  shoved in a blender, peed on by a bunny, slammed it in a door, and spit all of it right at my face.

Lets call him Justin (not his real name)

Justin and I start texting and of course I try and flirt because I can never get anyone else to pay attention to me. Of course I come up with the smart idea of having him, two other friends, a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of sparkling over for New Years Eve. Because my other friends didn’t want to share the good stuff, before he came we wrapped the sparkling in a brown paper bag and gave it to him. Sure enough, it was chugged in about 30 seconds and then he was “intoxicated” the whole night.

You can already tell I picked a winner.

Yup, you guessed it we kissed on New Years and then on Martin Luther King. After those two drunk nights for me, I had enough. I wanted out; I did not want to see him, talk to him, text, snapchat, or you name it. However, that was not the case for him.

I blocked him on all my social media and he went after my friends. Threatened them with things I told in confidence.  I forced myself not to block him through text because I was scared he would threaten suicide, and do it. I would get called every horrible name but only through text. He was a coward and could only talk to me through a screen.

This went on for 4 months; I endured this because I care for my friends like family. I convinced myself he was crazy to not feel the pain of those hurtful words. They were still said.

The amount of times I told him to leave me alone, I could have used that energy in a lot of better ways. I finally succeeded in the texting to stop, but I was still being talked about by him through school. People told me he was telling people about me. One night, I texted him in a rage after hearing things he said. I mocked how he never could face me, I texted his friends saying I was going to make his life hell.

The best part is, he goes to the principal the next day. Of all the days, it has to be the day of prom. I figured I had nothing to lose and told the “real adults” everything.

Now you might be wondering why I didn’t go to an authority in the first place. My reason for that is I was trying to handle it like an adult which I was. I knew there was a point between fake threats and life and death.

I don’t think there is a moral of the story. I also don’t know what I’ve learned either. I do know I was shaken by this, but stronger because of it.

If you have any thoughts, please comment I would like to know an outsider’s opinion.

 

 

 

 

Time

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You may feel like walking through a dark tunnel all your life, but there is always a brighter output. It takes time to walk through it.

Time is defined as, “the duration regarded as belonging to the present life as distinct from the life to come or from eternity” (dictionary.com).

It’s amazing the difference time can make. I believe most everyone can look back in the past and wish they could change most if not all of their choices. However, it is only possible to alter the future. The small changes can take a day, but the everlasting ones are seen through the passing of time.

The future holds pain. It will always. There are the glimpses of hope and happiness. To latch onto the hope of those glimpses is worth fighting for no matter how small they are and how infrequent they come. Time is how we judge the past and the life to come.

 

Choosing Happiness

IMG_3704Do we know if we can choose to be happy? So far, the answer to that is unclear to me. We can choose to do things that cause happiness, but if we don’t choose, is it possible to be content with oneself? Or are our brains wired to never be fully complete because of this society. 

 

The beginning

IMG_3560Preface

You know how when you’re younger adults ask the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” A recently high school graduate should know the answer to that question; however, when I think of that question my response is “I’d like to be happy”. It’s something that I strive to be everyday, but  fall short of. Whether it’s a small apartment by myself or a huge house with a big family, I don’t know what happiness is. I have a provincial point of view, but I’m a journey to find it.

I hope sharing my journey may inspire  and teach others a truthful account of someone looking for happiness.